Text Breakup

In Ilana Gershon’s The Breakup 2.0, she describes how the arise of new social technologies has changed the ways of interpersonal relations, specifically break ups. She focuses on the idea that the nuance of these technologies precludes definitive social etiquette, which often results in miscommunication or misinterpretation.

Gershon focuses on college relationships, especially as they pertain to Facebook and texting, a topic that I found particularly interesting. Being in college myself, many of her observations about how people relate and respond to text messages, are incredibly salient in my own life. My friends and I definitely interpret texts differently than we do regular conversation, and I agree with Gershon in that texting is somewhat more formal than face-to-face conversation. Every text sent in a conversation can be read over and over again, shown to others, and picked apart to the highest degree. In fact, text messages have gone beyond shaping the way the participants interact; they also play a critical role in how these participants share information about their converser with others. More than once have I admittedly passed my cell phone to a friend to get her opinion on something that someone else said to me over text message. More than once have I sat with a friend while she drafted several drafts of a text – after all, once it is sent, it is there, permanently, for the recipient to look over as frequently as desired.

I would even extend Gershon’s argument; I think the important of texting in break ups especially, has almost surmounted the important of direct conversation. Yes, texting may be less personal, but it is the lasting evidence of what happened. Even if a “we need to talk” text is followed up with an actual conversation, that text remains in the receiver’s phone much longer than the details of the conversation will remain in his or her mind. I have a friend who was the unfortunate recipient of a break up text – “this isn’t working for me anymore.“ Despite the fact that she dated this guy for upwards of a year, the lasting memory is of the breakup, and when she tells the story, only in the extended version does she include what followed the text; usually she just refers to it as “the guy who dumped me over text”.